Thursday, May 27, 2010

Welcome To Franklin


Franklin , Tennessee - The City of Franklin is abuzz with the news of 750 new jobs coming to town , thanks to the decision to move to Cool Springs , made by Jackson National Life Insurance Company , based in Lansing , Michigan.

Did you know that Tennessee State law does not require Franklin Police to have a reason or get permission to tap your phones? (One of Detective Black's favorite past times)

Again , Welcome to Franklin.

Monday, May 24, 2010

The Franklin Police History Book #3

The City of Franklin , Tennessee - Kat here , do you remember waaay back when , in the good ole days of using leaded gasoline in your car ? Well , if you can't remember that far back , do you remember what you ate for breakfast this morning ?

Anyway , the change came along to unleaded gasoline with the invention of the catalytic converter. Boy-O-Boy what an uproar that created. Those converters would clog after several miles and people were doing whatever they could to get around all that other emission garbage that didn't work either. And then along came those brave muffler shops that would save your car by altering your car's exhaust system and totally remove the catalytic converter all together. And following them was the law , yes , along came the law , that really long arm of the law.

The law went on the prowl and fined anyone 50,000$ dollars plus the lose of their business when found removing those converters. Meanwhile , right here in this good ole boy town of Franklin , The Franklin Police Department was busy removing those troublesome , no good for nothing converters because the law did not apply to them. Yep , the police were using leaded gas and their engines didn't have those insufferable pinging noises under the hood either.

I'll bet you didn't know that did you ?

by Cathryn "Kat" Solurjeen

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Dark Side of the Crib


Franklin , Tennessee - there was mass confusion among the madness ass The Franklin Police SWAT Team grabbed their weapons upon word their Crib had been infiltrated by a dark suited terrorist.

Inside the top level police chief's office , police officers found Chief Moore dressed in a Darth Vader outfit screaming , "No one knows the power of the dark side ass I do ! HA HA HA HA "

Monday, May 17, 2010

Opening A New Era




Franklin , Tennessee - Saturday was the public's chance to look over their new police headquarters , before public access gets locked down. Everything was pretty much in the dark to prevent anyone from seeing anything. The cabinets were empty with care while the interrogation rooms were shown off with pride. The building presently has 12,000 feet of unused space that must be air conditioned just the same and there's still plenty of room to expand. Franklin Police have already set up accommodations for their FBI friends.

While walking around , it was interesting how the floor plan is a maze. Do you know why?

The big question on everyone's mind was , "Why all of this space? Is there really more crime going on in this city than we are being told about?"

For some unknown reason , there were no answers given.

Outside of police family and friends , the people of Franklin showed their support by not showing up. You could count the outsiders on one hand.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Their New HQ


Franklin , Tennessee - this Saturday is the grand opening celebration for our Franklin Police Department's new building. Meanwhile , Franklin Police Chief Moore invited that other guy , the Brentwood Police Chief , for a personalized , privatized walk thru.

Chief Moore : Ass you can see here from the outside , my headquarters is waaaaay bigger than yours. Just LOOK at the size of those Greek columns would you. Heh heh heh. They had to extend the size of my office so I could see out the windows because those columns are sooo BIG. Heh heh heh ! Oooooh my. This is better than sex.

Brentwood Police Chief : For a man of your age , I would guess so.

Chief Moore : Come on up and see how BIG my office is :)

Brentwood Police Chief : Well , after all these years , you finally have something "BIG" to brag about. I'm happy for you , jackie. Really , I am so very happy for you. And by the way , did you know that the good people of Brentwood don't have any complaints about "their" police department ?

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Thoughts About Franklin Police


Franklin , Tennessee-have you ever wondered what our pets think of Franklin Police?

Well wonder no more.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Now Do You Understand

Franklin , Tennessee - Meet "Annie". Now then , why do you suppose she would be acting like this? Well , if you were doing something you did not want seen , how would you react to having someone stop by?

You know how the law likes to play games with words so they can lay down the law on anyone's ass , as they please? You know , words like accessory and accomplice. "Annie" , who for some reason would not share her "Vile Vinegar Vocabulary" with the camera , has friends from coast to coast and is also known in Nashville's music industry.



There have been several acts of vandalism along with several thousand dollars in theft and she knows who's doing it. And so does her good friend Detective Black with the Franklin Police Department. Thanks to Mr. Black's affirmative action plan to fight crime , no one will be arrested. In addition , it's also interesting to note , that Mr. Black has told a boatload of lies to a boatload of people , including Franklin 's very own , District Attorney.

(A man telling a boatload of lies to a boatload of people has a boatload of things to hide)

It's interesting , every time Annie hurts someone , she is immediately on the phone laughing and bragging to her friends about it. From harassment to viciously abusing a child , she can't get on that phone fast enough.

What do you say , we learn more about "Annie". I'm holding a hat here full of her friend's names. Let's pull out a name and see what we find , shall we?

(Jerry puts his hand into the hat and stirs around the pieces of paper and feels something soft and furry Hmmmmm , what the Hell is this? A rabbit sticks his head out and looks about. Pushing his head back down , Jerry stirs the hat some more and pulls out a piece of paper with a name on it. "Elam")

You can tell a lot about a person by the friends they keep. Let's see what the Elams are all about , shall we?

I did some digging around to find this and by golly gee whiz , I sure hope you brought "The Big Gulp" cup of coffee because this is going to be one long assed read. The Elam family are 3 brothers , who imitate Snoop Dog in their CDs and their Daddy , who manages a country music singing star. Here in print , for the first time ever (I think) , is their known activity in Williamson County. No doubt , this will help give the boys a bad name for their crap rap and sell more CD's. I won't give a name for who did what , I'll just say Elam and be done with it. None of these events are in order of occurrence. This begins with their high school days:

The first time I came across the Elams , it concerned a neighbor whose son was constantly getting into trouble at school. The Elams are his best of friends and every time that boy got into trouble , they were " Johnny on the Spot " giving support to his parents. It was interesting , every time he got into trouble , he would tell his Dad , "He did'nt do it". After getting into trouble so many times , it reached a point , this kid was seeing shrinks and taking their drugs , just to get him settled down. Yet , again and again and yes , again , he was in trouble and finally , the school could'nt take it any more and kicked him out , period. This kid beat the Shit out of his house. Punching holes in the walls and tearing down the doors. He kept saying over and over and over , he did'nt do it and that he had'nt done anything and that he never had done anything. It later turns out , The Elams were doing it all. That's right , they had done anything and everything and all the while they were consoling their neighbors out of friendship. And every time after wards , the Elams would call their friends to tell them all about it and making remarks how funny it all was and how dysfunctional this family is. Unfortunately , before they were discovered , the boy's parents divorced , accusing each other of failures as parents and being the cause of the trouble their son was constantly in.

Elam has a beautiful girlfriend and everyone just knew , they were a match made in Heaven. They were always seen together , anytime and everywhere regardless. Being ever so popular , they were the talk of the town . No one was surprised to learn they were making plans of getting married after graduation. One fine day , someone put nails in her car tires and a very angry Elam let it be known , he's gonna kill the person who did it and with that , a furiously angry Elam went on a blood hunt. Several times , she was seen crying in Elam's arms while her "man" consoled her. About a week later , it was disclosed , Elam himself had done the dastardly deed. He had even taken pictures of his art work , making sure his arm was in one picture , pointing at a nail and clearly showing off the watch his girl had given him. They had been showing these around to his school friends and finally , someone went to his girlfriend. Needless to say , she was heart broken as she broke up with him.

The Elams are stalking several girls around school and after school , they follow their every move , including following them home. During this time , at school , cars are being broken into and stuff is stolen. No one is able to catch the person doing it. One fine day , Elam is caught with a school jacket in his hands while standing beside a car with an open door. He explained , he was putting it into the car for his friend. Although the car had been locked , he had no key. Later , the car owner said she did not know Elam was in her car nor did she own a jacket. They were not really friends. It's interesting , there are no more cars broken into for a long while after that. It was later learned , the Elams wanted to join a gang in Michigan and they needed several girl's school jackets per a list of items for a Scavenger Hunt , to be given to the gang , to show they were cool enough for membership. Joining the gang would boost their CD sales by giving them a bad image

The Elams have marijuana at school. No action is taken

A home is burgled

Mailboxes around the neighborhood are destroyed. Pieces are strewn across the street , side walks , lying on cars and propped upon front doors. The Elams brag and have evidence to prove it. This is on their to do list for the gang. Meanwhile , the law does nothing

Another home is burgled

The smell of marijuana smoke permeates the neighborhood while the law looks the other way ass the Elams have a party. There are Saturn related people present along with Nashville's Music Industry

A day care is burgled and vandalized. The vandalism is similar to an incident at a local county school

There's more marijuana at school. They give some to ******** at the school to avoid getting busted. They have some good pictures of this person's face holding the grass

A car has fuel lines cut

A home is vandalized and it resembles the day care again

The Elams are putting rotten veggies in mailboxes

A car has the transmission pan removed

A car has fuel lines cut

A car is broken into with CD's , CB , money and other stuff is missing

A car is missing it's starter

More mailboxes are destroyed. It's said the Elams are collecting numbers

A home is burgled

The Elams are caught red handed , burgling a home. In court , Judge Franks throws their case out of "her" courtroom stating , "The boys are not responsible for the environment in which they live"

Meanwhile , it's found out , the Elams have a store in the trunk of their car while the law looks the other way.

People are missing their newspaper. THE TENNESSEAN catches Elam red handed. Daddy says this is all a misunderstanding because his son does not steal newspapers and besides , his son was just taking his normal daily stroll around the block. THE TENNESSEAN then leads Daddy to his son's stash of newspapers and politely asks for payment or else. Daddy gladly throws in some extra $$$ to avoid pro$ecution

One fine Christmas Day , they have all kinds of friends and family over. They have so much stolen goods/property , they use the stuff for gifts under the tree. A law enforcement officer is seen walking out of their house with several wrapped presents and a great big smile

Elam buys a Latino "Jumping Jack Car". Daddy makes him sell it because it gives the wrong impression of his boys , who are supposed to be clean cut Americans.

A car has nails in it's side walls

Another car has screw things in it's tire side walls

One night , Elam is caught kneeling beside a car. Seeing he has been seen , he jumps out onto the street and starts calling for Lassie. (It later turns out the Elams don't have a dog named Lassie) , butt still , the investigating officer looks around the car and finds 5 nails lying beside a tire and takes young Elam home and tells Mom all about it. Daddy is pissed for him getting caught , but tells the car owner it was all a mistake and that his son does'nt do these things. It just looked like his son was close to the car while he was taking his daily stroll around the block. ( at 9PM ? and yes , this is the same man who manages a country music singer)

The Elams put egg shells on their car and call the police to report the vandalism. Later they laughingly tell people and show off their pictures

A car has it's fuel lines cut

Beer cans are in mailboxes

A car has screw things in 4 tires side walls

A car has an incredibly large bolt driven into the sidewall of a rear tire. The investigating officer says tools would be needed to do this. As the investigator writes his report , Elam slowly drives past the scene. The officer pursues and pulls him over. Upon returning to the scene , the officer tells the car owner , that was the cleanest car he ever looked into. On the passenger seat was a neatly stacked and folded pile of black clothing , including gloves and a black ski mask and there's a ratchet wrench lying under the clothing.

People are missing their trash cans. Later , they are seen at the Elams home , full of trash

The Elams friends on the country music tour bus are also stealing and vandalizing ass seen in their pictures

A car has a CB and tools stolen

Someone is going thru trash cans and picking out beer bottles. These bottles may be the ones found in people's yards

A car dealership has cars vandalized again. Although Lt. Tim Taylor has been told about the Elams , he ignores the info and another dealership is struck. There's evidence leading to a suspect who is arrested. Meanwhile , another car dealership is vandalized again while the arrested suspect sits in jail.

Several are caught in the act of vandalizing cars at a dealership. It is said they are friends with the Elams who were presently busy at another dealership

The word gets out , that the Elams have planned a long night of thefts. A detective is told about it and ignores this information. The next morning , there are 38 calls for an officer investigation

During a particular trial , a jury is being chosen. One juror is questioned about knowing a particular detective. The answer is not very positive and the judge is ready to fit 'n Shit as he shouts loudly to REMOVE that juror NOW !

An ambulance is broken into. Medical supplies are missing. It's interesting , after the Elams move , some of the missing supplies are found lying on the ground at their house. These supplies have specific markings

The Elams jack up a really nice , decked out and chromed Chevy 4 x 4 and they are caught stripping it. One brother is observed rolling a tire down the street towards his house where 2 tires already sit in their yard. Daddy Elam pays for the damages and throws in some extra buck$ so the owner will not prosecute

The Elams are practicing animal sacrifice. Their remains are thrown onto the road for cars to run over. Rabbits are not enough , so cats and dogs are now missing. The last count is 17 pets around the neighborhood.

A car has some strange things in it's tires side walls.

The Elams have a successful CD and their home studio is in the local paper

People are finding nails in their roofs

A young lady is horrified by seeing her "toy" dog strung up her clothes line. It's eyeballs have been poked out and dangle downwards , hanging by the nerves. There are screw things stuck in the chest area and the entrails are showing. The Elams have taken pictures

A prowler is noticed one night and seeing he has been discovered , he runs off and away and into a tree. The law finds some items in a trail like fashion leading to the Elams home. Although it's 2:30 AM , the Elams step outside their home and find a patrol car sitting on their door steps

There are 2 incidences of a country music tour bus stopping at the Elams. A large number of boxes are off loaded from the cab. At night , a train of cars goes thru the neighborhood and stopping at the Elams , everyone is seen loading packages into their vehicles

It's time to elect a sheriff and Mr. Headley , in his public spectacle of wanting to go after drug dealers , has quietly promised some folks , if elected , he will investigate the Elams , in light of the fact , Franklin Police refuses to do something. Someone informs the Elams about this promise and on election night , the news announces Headley has won. Although he will not take office for another 3 months , the Elams immediately turn out the lights in their house , back up 2 vans and using flashlights only , they load up in the private darkness of night and begin the selling process of their home. After a short while , someone talks to their realtor and it's learned , the home has no interested buyers and the Elams are getting anxious to wheel and deal.

Within 2 months after taking office , Sheriff Headley quietly let's it be known , that certain law enforcement "personnel" have received abnormally large payment$ from the Elam$

There's a noisy commotion at the Elams and they have a visitor. Someone put something into someone's truck tires. He angrily tells Daddy they are thru in their business dealings and to stay away from him

A country music tour bus has suffered several thousand dollars in damages to it's toilet system.

The Elams are doing their occult thing on their home roof top and about a third of the roof tiles slide off from their body weight

There are many mutilated animals on the road around the lodge. This has happened several times before in accordance with the moon phase and time of year

Although the Elams have moved out of the county , they continue being seen cruising thru their old 'hood

The Elams set off an explosive device at the lodge. There's a large black spot on the ground showing where the device lay. The Elams have a party with everyone loudly talking about it. This is the earthquake that scientists are referring to. The Elams show off their home movie

The Elams love placing bugs in people's homes. You probably cannot count how many Elam bugs are in offices inside Nashville's Country Music Industry

Because the Elams know what is going on around their old 'hood , they have stopped cruising it for targets of opportunity

Yes folks , these are the people inside Nashville's Country Music Industry

Now do you understand why some people were eager to be rid of a new Sheriff

Now do you understand why some people act like they are above the law

Now do you understand how people with money stay out of jail

Now do you understand why wealthy people want to live around Franklin

Now do you understand the reasoning for all of those lies from Detective Black

Now do you understand why Franklin Police are so lackadaisical about investigating a theft

Now do you understand why Detective Black won't arrest anybody he know$ breaking hi$ law$

Monday, May 3, 2010

Staying Dry


Franklin , Tennessee - while most Franklinites are soaking wet and watching their car float down the Harpeth , let's step into the dry over at the new Franklin Police Crib.

Mayor: Damn , look at all those cars floating down Columbia Avenue , would you
Chief Moore: Don't worry sir , we are perfectly safe and dry up here in our Penthouse. See? Just look around down there , the grass is'nt even wet yet. Why , just look up there Mayor , the clouds can't even touch us we're so high up
Mayor: Chief , I tell you what , this is the best grass ever.
Chief: Of course it is , being the "Chief" does have it's advantages

Police Officer: Hey uh , duuuuh , hey chief , the basements flooded again
Chief: Oh goooood. The water for my fish tank has arrived.

Franklin Police Survey

The City of Franklin , Tennessee - I was asked to ask you , the reader , to state whether you like The Franklin Police Department or not. This will stay up a while and I will keep things up to
date. So , here it is :

I like Franklin Police :
65,000 - 33
80,000 - 8
100,000 - 17
120,000 - 14
160,000 - 4
250.000 - 15
300,000 - 1
people who did not state their income but Do like the police anyway - 169

I don't like Franklin Police :

15,000 - 1102
20,000 - 663
30,000 - 213
40,000 - 15
50,000 - 01
people who did not state their income but Don't like the police anyway - 698

Also , to make this interesting , give your yearly income , in $10,000 dollar increments and giving your name is not mandatory.

Also , state whether you would attend a Franklin Police/CALEA meeting , "IF" , and I repeat myself , "IF" , you were invited:

Yes - 35
No - 140

This will get interesting :)