Franklin Police Get New Damn Name Recognition System

Franklin , Tennessee - BVD News for Franklin Police - have you ever watched a Franklin Police officer write out an MVA report? There's soooo much information , to put on that little piece of paper , it soon becomes a mind boggling entrance exam into The Dreaded Twilight Zone. And at the end of that report , Damn it all to Hell they are now required to sign their own Damn name and that in itself , is already nerve racking enough ass it is. Especially when they're having trouble , spelling their own Damn name in front of all those giggling by standers.

That's why they all wear name tags. And to help them all with spelling their own Damn names , all official Franklin Police officers will now carry , only an official CALEA brand label , (patent pending of course) name recognition mirror , for use in helping them see their own Damn name tag , which (to them looking down) appears to be upside down. These mirrors come equipped , with an extension handle , to aid those not-so-tall officers , having shorter arms than most others and can not reach down to see their own name tags. Officers who walk and drag their knuckles at the same time , will not be required to use this mirror system simply because it just will not work with knuckle draggers. CALEA is presently working on the problem.

Now the problem with using this mirror system , is that inevitably , the officer sees their own face , which then causes them to forget , what they were doing with a mirror in the face in the first place. Yep , CALEA has finally recognized , that writing those reports is just one Damn problem compounding another. Soooo- beginning soon:

All official Franklin Police officers will , eventually , be given an identification number. This way , the officer will no longer need to fumble about , wondering what to do with their name spelling. And besides , remember-ing a number is sooo easy , even Taco Bell employees have shown , (under lab testing conditions) they too can do it.

For the past 5 years , CALEA has been researching this "Dummy It Down" (pronounced DiD for short) concept for dummies , in co operation with Taco Bell Incorporated , located just South of the Tennessee border. It is thru this research , that CALEA has finally and professionally decided , that before being issued both , a professionalized personalized field number name tag and a personalized number plate tag for their personalized patrol car , all official police officers will need to successfully complete , a gruelingly intensive , 3 week program in their official field , to properly receive their officially personalized field training in finger painting , finger counting , finger numbing and finger recognition. This training will include toe counting for beginners , Drivers Education for Dummies & indoctrination studies that include (at no extra cost) learning how to drive a pick up truck by driving by the numbers which must be completed before they can ask , to see if they even qualify , to take the new and improved , "MVA Traffic & Reporting" standards for police examination.

Remember - you are a nobody until you have your own Damn recognition number

Kat: Hey , ummmm , er , ah , Jerry? What happens if the officer is given a number , higher than 5?
Jerry: Hm? What do you mean?
Kat: Well , typically speaking , even Franklin Police officers , only have 5 fingers per hand.
Jerry: Are you sure? I mean , have you even counted the fingers on a Franklin Police officer's hand?
Kat: Hm , er , aaaah , no , I have not!
Jerry: OKay then. What's your point in asking this question?