Franklin's Blotted Police Blotter

Franklin , Tennessee -Doug is on the scene - Franklin Police Detective Black , had earlier reported in this morning , that Franklin former city administrator , Jay Johnson , was found missing from his office , ass was his massive picture , hanging from the wall.
Upon hearing this dreadful news , Franklin Police Chief " jackie " Moore ordered his troops into action , in what hysterically has become known ass , the largest and the biggest , man hunt search in the history of This City of Franklin.
Franklin Police officers were seen fanning out , ass they fanned about , pretending to look anywhere and everywhere , of course this searching method also included looking into their very own departmental trash can , just in case someone may have mistakenly stashed him away , for the purposes of keeping him dry from all this rain and/or perhaps in the process of doing so , somebody forgot to tell somebody what they had done.
At the time this search was going down , Jay Johnson was currently busy shooting himself , in Hollywood , while filming his next episode of " Squidbillies ". Upon hearing this dreadful news , " JJ " immediately phoned home , telling Det. Black , to call off the search and that he and everything else he had taken with him , including his massive missing picture , were O Kay.

During an interview , Doug asked about " JJ's " massive missing picture from his massive former office , a tearful , Det. Black responded , " Oh , that thing , well , you see ( sniff ) , it , uh , well , ( dang it ) that thing now hangs above his personal director's chair , on the set of " Squidbillies " , out in Hollywood , California. "
" Why are you so upset over that massive missing picture ? " , asked Doug. " Because , well just ( sniff ) because ( and he sniffs again ) it was promised to me , before he left , that's why. " , stated Det. Black
When asked for more information about this incident , Det. Black continued , " I had just ( sniff ) merely temporarily forgotten that " JJ " had been fired ( sniff ) , is all. I mean like , what was I to do , ( sniff ) I really didn't know ( sniff ) what I was thinking ( and sniffs again ) during all those minutes , while I stared at that empty desk , you know. Look man , even his massive picture on that massive wall was missing and all. I mean , like it was just gone , you know ? I mean , like , well , think about it , what would you be thinking ? I'm just so , so , soooooo ( sniff ) relieeeeved , that the picture , I mean , that is , that " JJ " , I meant to say , is O Kay. I mean , can you imagine , what this town would be like today , ( sniff ) if he had never come to Franklin in the first place ? "